Oh dear lord, aren't these a blast from the past? Some stoned-hippie-jesus-freak past that other people did. I didn't. And the thing is, GW Bush could sit down and smoke a spliff and agree with these people.
As everyone knows, I am not religious. I missed that bone when I was made. But all adolescents go through a religiosity period, where they try and understand why they are odd and different and maybe God will give them meaning in life. So there was a period when I thought about being a priest. (Notice the gender\career issue) So I thought I'd start by becoming an altar boy. But Father Sanner told me I couldn't be an altar boy since BOY was the operative word. Well that put me off good old roman catholicism, that and Father Bill's nose hair, which frightened me, and his guitar, which seemed out of place in a catholic church and his wanting to do in person confessions. I wanted to confess in darkness, thank you very much, though I always lied about my sins. I didn't sin enough and so my list was embarrassingly short, so I would just add some for good measure. I didn't really know what any of the big bad sins meant, so I had no clue that what Susie and I were doing in her closet was a sin, so I couldn't confess that.
So I went to a synagogue, a mormon class and sampled what the episcopals, baptists and methodists had to offer. When my brother had the great idea to try the hippie jesus freak prayer service the next town over. We went to this flat-faced apartment building, up to a second floor apartment filled with tattered couches and cushions and HIPPIE JESUS FREAKS. They had HAIR. Lots of it, all over not just sprouting out of their noses. They prayed and sang songs and spoke of Jesus, and they had a leader and they embraced peace and love and hugged each other. So I was hugged. By people I didn't know. Which sort of made me uptight. But I was a totally un-cool prig wasn't I???? They were full of Jesus' love and so why would I not want to hug them? The whole thing made me more and more uptight and I thought they were a little silly, but also scary. Of course, when you're 13 and out of your element with HIPPIES, it all seems a little scary. Anything new is scary. And being the new person in a group is scary. The hippie jesus freaks all knew each other and they new that my brother and I were fresh blood. After a while the leader asked that all those people who hadn't accepted jesus and been born again should go with him into the back room so they could bring jesus into their hearts. There was no fucking way I was going in the back room. My brother of course, who WAS an altar boy, was waving his hands and jumping up and down like a jackass. As if people didn't know we were there already. As if they weren't looking at us, as if the invitation wasn't specifically addressed to us and go in the back room, accept jesus and drink the Kool Aide kiddies RIGHT NOW, wasn't the message.
So I just said, "I've done that." "You've accepted jesus into your heart and been SAVED????" "Yeah, last month. It was great." My brother looked at me and said, "No you haven't" Thanks a lot Mr. Altar Boy who has to confess that he steal's grandma's cigarettes and smokes them when he goes to confession. Thanks for the sterling example of honesty. So we start to bicker, "Yes, I have, you weren't there." "No you didn't." "Uh, huh, at Janice's you're never at Janice's so how do you know?" The leader broke the bickering up and took C. into the back room where he drank the Kool Aide. (My brother was completely insufferable after that for about one month. Then he became a Buddhist and started walking around town in torn up sheets, which went over really well in suburbia.) I was left with the rest of the congregation doing super-secret jesus stuff that you only can do after you've drunk the Kool Aide, so I mumbled along and kept alert so that I could kneel at the appropriate time. When we were done I was out of there like a bat out of hell, and I made my brother come with me.
So my friend M. saw this bus and figured it was a sign, luckily she had her camera with her. So we have M. to thank for my ranting trip down memory lane. When I first saw these I thought "It's Dr. Bonner's Bus!" remember that soap?
No comments:
Post a Comment