Petty Tyrants

Sometimes it is just appalling how awful people are about everything and to anyone no matter what the situation.
For example, I had to go to the DMV, always a pleasant experience, for a second time in a month. The first time we had been told that we had filled out the transfer form wrong. The beloved's Rev. Auntie was leaving the country and we decided that the peeb nation fit in her car real well so we'd buy the car off her. The Rev was leasing the car, so the (paperless) title had to go from the lease company to her and then from her to us. And we had just mashed it all up on one piece of paper that the lady at the DMV had given us. So she told us to come back with two orange pieces of paper - going from the lease company to the Rev and then from the rev to us. Okay. So the Rev sent us the needed orange document from the lease company to her. Then she left for the outer Hebrides to bring the word of our lord to some sheep, some salmon and some men in skirts with no underwear. I popped over to the DMV.

So I explained to the woman behind the DMV counter what had happened, proudly displayed the two orange pieces of paper, waited for her to grock it. Then she said, whose Akbar? Which is something that I don't grock. I don't know I said. Well, whose Akbar she said again, quite pointlessly I thought, like why don't you give me more info because I don't know who Akbar is and I don't know why you're talking to him, capice? Well it turns out the VIN number was wrong, and Akbar had the VIN number on the (paperless) title, and so while the ORANGE pieces of paper and all my documents had ONE VIN Number the (paperless) title had Akbar's VIN number. So the woman behind the DMV counter told me to take the car, go around back follow the signs and get the car VERIFIED. What she didn't tell me was that I was supposed to take the car to the big glass doors right in front of her. Whatever, I can follow directions. So I get in the car and follow the signs and get in the VERIFICATION lane which is empty and right next to the driving test lane which has a line in it. The two lanes go up around the building and have little signs on the pavement demarking the lanes, here driving test, here VERIFICATION lane. With a STOP sign indicator for each lane. All the driving test people were in line behind the STOP sign and I drive up to the VERIFICATION STOP. I wonder briefly why I'm not parking way back there in front of the glass doors so that the behind the counter DMV woman can see that I am following directions waiting for VERIFICATION. But I am a smart chick, I can read, and so I park where the signs tell me to park. There is a guard guy ordering the test drive lane cars, and he sees me, waves at me and goes on ordering the driving test cars. When he has gone up and down the driving car lanes he comes over to me and asks "Are there a lot of people in there?" motioning to the brick DMV building beside us. "Yes, it's very crowded today." I say. "How many people are in there?" he asks, "A lot, it's crowded" I repeat, "You wouldn't know how many people are in there, would you?" "Many, many people are in there, " I say thinking maybe he doesn't like the word crowded. "Can you tell me exactly how many people are in there?" "Probably the average amount of people are in there, for an average September week day" I reply, getting more and more annoyed with guard guy. "But you wouldn't KNOW" he says triumphantly. "Not exactly," I say. "You wouldn't know cause you cant see through a wall!" I am amazed. I can't see through walls, doesn't he know that I am Superman's sister? I actually DO have X-Ray vision and can see that he has a very small penis. I don't often let on about who I am.

"So how can you expect them to see you if you're not in front of the glass doors?" He goes on to tell me. "Why does it say to stop here then?" I ask, but what I really want to do is punch this guy. "I don't know, but you have to move back." He proceeds to talk to me more about buildings, brick walls, signs; with his arm on the car door so I CAN'T MOVE BACK.

Well it goes on and on after that, but that guy is going to have one short life, because someone some day is going to have temper management issues. Someone who has no patience with being in some frigging Kafkaesque bureaucratic insane asylum is going to take him out. And I will testify on behalf of the defense, asking for clemency.

And of course, I have to go back.