Melon Shopping

When you first move to a new city you have to figure out where to go shopping. The sort of daily necessities and the other things you need, where's the bookstore that's going to be mine? Where can I get cute shoes? And, ultimately the most pressing question, where can I get good turkey bacon???

As everyone knows I'm a terrible food snob and so I am spending time trying to find farmer's markets. The first weekend I was here we went for a walk on the beach and then hit the extremely large and crowded and festival like Santa Monica farmer's market. Where I looked for fava beans. The next weekend, I was delighted to find a closer market on, get this, Melrose Place. This one was smaller and more intimate and also lacked fava beans. A tour of the Whole Foods, Wild Oats, Gelsons in the near and far area also pointed out the dearth of fava beans. Which means I've discovered one thing about the Los Angeles area; something as a new yorker is unfathonamable, to wit -- there are no Italians here.

Think about it. Italy plus Spring equals Fava Beans. So I guess all these pasta restaurants around here are all being run by Scandinavians or Guest Workers.

In addition to the shocking lack of fava beans and Italians, I find that the closest place to get turkey bacon is the Whole Paycheck in Beverly Hills. Whole Foods is known not only for it's stunningly expensive food but also it's seductive and bountiful array of fruits and vegetables that everyone is too busy to prepare. It's springtime and there are globular artichokes and fragrant melons. There are also a shocking array of breasts on display. Indeed it's hard for me to know what I should be feeling up in the veggie section. Maybe it's the fact that I've spent a year and a half in Sacramento where breasts are not displayed or maybe it's the fact that I didn't spend any time on the upper east side when I lived in NYC, but in BH man those girls know how to show off their titties. There are the corset on the outside, stiletto heels gals with their breasts pushed up and out defying gravity as they totter around getting organic salmon tartar, and the yoga vibey gals with sheer white t-shirts draped artfully around their torsos and strategically missing top section where black net bras display their breasts. My word, they must be limber!

I was carrying my bag of artichokes, garlic aioli and whole wheat sourdough baguette out to the car while following one of these women, watched her get into her mercedes convertible when I realized I had forgotten something about wealth and new wealth in particular. If you buy it, you have to show it off.

If you buy your titties you gotta display the results!