Signs: Mercury Cleaners

So we went out to this mexican restaurant and there was the ubiquitous flat TV screen framed on the wall of the bar. It was playing some sort of fishing show. Now, I really like the fishing show "Fishing with John" but since that is sort of a retro-ironic everything in quotes fishing show, I'm not sure that it counts as a fishing show. But that is my exposure to fishing shows. One of the things about having a TV set that is cable only and being too stingy to actually buy cable services is that I have absolutely NO IDEA about what is on TV. So I am always both appalled and fascinated that restaurants would put TVs up because really I want to spend time dining with my friends and noticing the food and not looking at TV. But you can't NOT LOOK at TV, it's like a train wreck. So there was this fishing show, I'm eating my guacamole and drinking this lovely Malbec from Argentina and I think: "Wow, what a great gig, to be the camera man on a fishing show!" It's not complex camera work. It's not like the f-stop would change at all. You just bob about on a boat pointing the camera at the deep blue sea, or the stupid guy commenting about fishing (that must be really hard, to make something up about fishing, which is basically waiting until a fish bites your line -- it's almost as boring as watching golf) and then if they catch something you point the camera at the net. Meanwhile all you have to do is bob along on the boat and make sure your sun block is applied. What a great gig. When the fisher dude caught the fish, he took the hook out and released the fish. Catch and release that was the name of the game.

So I was totally unprepared for what happened next.

Who knew there was a
Hunt Fish Cook channel??? The next show was some weird sort of homoerotic hunting program. Two guys dressed in camouflage outfits were wandering around the spooky forest; using whistles to lure turkeys. When they had spied the turkey nest they put camouflage masks on their faces and hid themselves in the bushes. They guy who wore glasses took off his glasses. Does someone see the problem with this? Someone who needs glasses to see takes them off to shoot at things. Would you want to work camera on this show? No way. Then they actually SHOT the turkey - and the two men ran to each other from their respective hiding places and did a little hooting dance over the dead turkey. Then the guy put his glasses back on (a little late if you ask me) and the two walked off, hand in hand with a turkey hanging down one's back. What kind of weird little fairy tale is this? Does any one believe that the two guys who are carefully applying "smell like forest not like hunter" perfume on themselves and dressing in camouflage and hiding so the turkey won't notice are actually hunting a turkey? When was the last time you noticed an inconspicuous camera crew, with producer and caterer? Like the turkey won't notice the camera crew because the hunters are hidden.